My brother makes a lot of money and supports his wife and three kids.
You would have never expected that growing up he was gang affiliated and into drugs.
So then, why can’t I figure out what to do with my life? I haven’t had it as bad as him, shouldn’t I be able to have myself put together rather than feel in a rut?
The answer is, it’s okay. As much as I don’t want to be complacent about it…I know that I’m still young and though my parents would like to see me be mature and getting my life together…No one else is expecting me to be perfect. I don’t owe any one explanations for my life but my own. I love my parents, they do the best to guide in the best directions…and they have! But I need to help guide myself and make my own mistakes.
I already made a ton of mistakes. I reminisce about those times all the time. Because at one point or another, it was exactly what I wanted and/or needed. Holy shitballs am I dealing with the repercussions. But I don’t regret it. I’ve come to accept them and move forward. The problem is the feeling of being stuck in a rut. The feeling that makes you feel like you’re wasting your time. Even though I don’t have ALLL the time in the world, I’m still pretty young. I’m twenty two. I have SOME time.
I mean, my best friend always tells me that it’s okay. He didn’t have his life figured out for several years. He hit rock bottom, very badly I may add. And not just once. But twice. And after all those horrible bumps on the road…he was able to overcome all of it and get to the place he is now. He can say F%&! you to all the people who doubted him and ridiculed him. He’s been kicking booty since he was twenty seven. He’ll be twenty nine by the end of this year. I saw him at his worst. I’m still there, but I see him at his best. I ain’t jealous. I’m proud. I was there to help him.
I don’t know. I’m having trouble grasping the idea of not being complacent. It’s hard. But I’m trying to be a better more responsible me, well, for me. I’m not there yet, but I will be. In the mean time, I’m admitting that I’ll figure this out slowly. Maybe not today, or tomorrow. But soon enough. It will just hit me and all will make sense. YAS.